The Possibility of Separation and Divorce

James and I went to our weekly therapy session and discussed the possibility of separation and perhaps divorce. While a likely last resort, it is the only thing I can think about right now. I recently read an article on the NAMI website about being married to a spouse with bi-polar. It is devastating to know that 90% of marriages with a healthy spouse and a bi-polar spouse end up in divorce. While my husband and I are not a statistic, I am uncertain that I can be a member of the 10% group that stay together.

Since we have been married, I have lost a huge part of myself. Along the way, I forgot who I was and resolved myself to living in a marriage where I experienced extreme emotional and intellectual abuse. I have been terrorized for a number of years and "I was dying on the vine."

I wasn't the one who exposed what I was living with -- my husband revealed the level of tension when he physically went after my father and engaged in a terrible argument with him. All my father could think was that someday either me or the kids or all four of us would end up as the "Lifetime movie of the week." Since then, I have been living in an "aggravated hell", however this time, I am realizing that I can achieve peace. However, I have to have the courage to tell my husband that I need him to leave and I need to move on. That is a very difficult thing to do.

I know I am not the only person living like this. I recently found a website: psychcentral.com/blog and found many individuals who are experiencing the same thing. So, for those of you out there who are like me -- I say "take heart" and follow your inner voice. You know what you can handle and you know what is best for you and your children.